Nurse: Year One

It is unreal that I have been a nurse for a year, but I can say that there has been a palpable change in my life because I actually feel that I am a nurse, a professional... like an adult, haha. I am happy to report that I still love it and it has been everything that I thought it would be. There are many challenges and they are all as rewarding as the next, some are more difficult to overcome than others. I think that has been the most surprising thing this year, the things I find most challenging. I thought learning all the clinical nursing skills would be the biggest challenge I would face this year, and at first it was. 


The first few months I was still struggling with recognizing all the physiological indicators and nursing skills to measure them so when I started being Charge (which in Churchill means doing Emerge), I was seeing so many different patient presentations. Some days I would have a bunch of patients with cold and flu symptoms so by the end of that shift I would get good at assessing these patients, and then a patient would come in with a swollen an ankle and that would throw me right off. I could do my basic head-to-toe exam but being able to prioritize, compartmentalize and then organize a thorough report was a big challenge. I would call the doc with my assessment and then I would have to go back to the patient and ask things I hadn't thought about in my initial assessment, like if they had taken pain killers already, what it was and how much... This was an important phase to go through because I learned very quickly to check my insecurities and nerves at the door and stay calm in an intense situation so that I could assess the big picture and all the minute details at the same time for one patient and then turn around and do the same for someone else right after. In this way I have become much more effective, but I have in no way become an expert emerge nurse, I just have had enough experience now that I know to take my time and use my resources in order to be able to recognize the important indicators and to know what questions to ask. And maybe even more importantly now if I forget to ask something important and the doc sends me back to collect more information, I don't take it personally. 


Being Charge nurse was not my favorite thing to do for a long time, but I've been lucky to have many excellent examples of people that do it well and really enjoy it. I think I'm a confident person and I am comfortable with who I am, and when I make a decision I almost always stick to it. But when you are Charge your decisions effect others more than I am used to, and because of this you have to defend your decision - maybe defend isn't the right word - but at first that's how I felt, you need to be able to rationalize. And most of the time the decisions are made quickly, often these decisions are about patient load, triage, resource allocation and time management. I was timid and I questioned myself because most of my colleagues had more experience than I did so I looked and often still look to them for advice. The difference now is that it is less frequent because I have more experience and when I do ask a colleague for advice it's because it's an important decision that effects patient care and I am totally comfortable doing that now. Whereas I used to be disappointed in myself when I asked for advise, now it gives me peace of mind and often it confirms my first intuition.


I love that in my job here in Churchill we all support each other, we really work as a team. I know that in  all the crazy situations we find ourselves in, I have friends and colleagues that are working just as hard as me to make sure this patient gets the care they need and deserve. I hope that they feel the same about me.


I have always loved patient care and when I go home after work I have always been able to go home with "a smile in my heart," (like my mom always says); but lately I have been struggling with balancing hospital politics and keeping them out of my mind so I can enjoy caring for patients the way I always have. I know that every workplace has politics and that it is easy to let them weigh you down, and I have recently had moments where I've let that happen. So part of me wants me to just keep my eyes closed to it, keep blinders on... Because I really don't want to become bitter. But I am not convinced that this is the way to go, I feel that eventually it would eat away at me and I would be bitter anyway... I don't think its part of my personality to be able to look away and still remain an effective professional. But how to evoke change... I'm also not the type to speak out knowingly causing confrontation. I don't like confrontation.  But this recent inner turmoil has brought to my attention that in the future there may be a place for me in those who write evidence-based policy and procedure, but for now and the foreseeable future I am loving the change I can effect by caring for patients. 


Words that helped me come to this conclusion and inspired this post:
Mes amis, l’amour est cent fois meilleur que la haine.
L’espoir est meilleur que la peur.
L’optimisme est meilleur que le désespoir.
Alors aimons, gardons espoir et restons optimistes.
Et nous changerons le monde.


My friends, love is better than anger.
Hope is better than fear.
Optimism is better than despair.
So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic.
And we’ll change the world.


Jack Layton's final message to Canadians.

Everyday is Mother's Day

Today I'm feeling passionate. Well not just today... lately. About what? A lot of things that I have always cared about, but I'm feeling restless right now and I think the best way to start doing something with that feeling is to start by writing a blog about something that started as a joke. But for some reason I can't get it out of my head. Let me start by saying that I love watching Oprah, not every show all the time, but for some reason I seem to catch a lot of her shows. And of course she's been on TV longer than I've been alive so I find myself remembering things from my childhood when I watch her show. Also I think that her show is pretty relevant to growing up in the last 22 years, the challenges my parents had raising me and the challenges that most people face trying to figure out how to live a happy life in today's society. So back to the joke, I always say while watching Oprah, that she looks so much like my mom. Most people think (not that I tell everyone this as I am aware that most people would not see it that way) that it's pretty funny. But every time I watch her on TV it makes me think of my mom. I've started to wonder why.
And it's only been in the last 5 years or so that I've started thinking this. I think that living away from home now, watching Oprah is something inspiring and familiar. It makes me think of sitting on the couch in my parent's house. I don't think my mom and I watched that much Oprah together though, and to me the resemblance is striking, lol. I think I've realized now what it is, they both have strong, beautiful spirits. Their inside shines out so strong. My mom can do anything and does everything, and she makes me feel like I can do anything I want to and anything I don't think I can. And not just that I can but that I need to make it my mission to be all that I can be. That's pretty Oprah I think. 
My mom always seemed to know when to push me to do something, and if and when I took her advice I never regretted it. Things like redoing a paper in high school, getting off my butt and going for a run, or joining the a club. So now that I'm all grown up I find that now and then I get this urge out of the blue that I have to go try a new recipe, take a course, or plant some flowers and I just get up and do it. So thank you Mom for teaching me how to be as brave, creative and fun as you are.
I am so lucky to have a woman like my mom to look up to, and to remind me that women are awesome. And I mean that. I am in awe when women don't let anything make them question who they are and what they can do. I admire every female that speaks out with a positive message because I know that it is much easier to keep quiet and let others do the talking; because not only does your opinion matter but you are speaking for those who are not courageous enough to speak up themselves. I'm working on that myself. And I admire every women that raises children to be strong and giving members of society when society has not been good to them. Women kick butt.
That's all.


A quote from the Oprah Show - 
"My mother had handed down respect for the possibilities—and the will to grasp them." —Alice Walker 

Cause I've got one hand in my pocket...

And the other one is driving a dogsled...
It's a beautiful day in Churchill today and I have finally conquered a fear of mine. Since we got the dogs I've gone sledding on my own quite a few times (some runs more eventful than others), but I had never been brave enough to do our "long loop"- about 35kms- by myself. Whenever I do the long loop I've had Marc-Andre drive the trail ahead of me on a skidoo. He doesn't stay close but he is atleast out on the trail and checks up on me every now and then. This morning Marc-Andre got called in to work, but it was such a gorgeous day I had to go.
I was always nervous to go by myself because I was afraid that something would go wrong, ie. dogs take off, dog gets hurt, I get hurt, moose. Haha. I trust my dogs but you never know. And at first I was always afraid of getting lost in the bush because my sense of direction sucks, but now I've realized that the dogs know the trails and have a better instinct of where home is than I do.
Lately we've had Riel and Herschel in the lead, our two young males, but the last few days Riel has been more interested in playing with his teammates than running. So today we put Ivva up front, she's usually a great runner. So we started out, sun shining, birds chirping, a measly - 38 with windchill. Made it past all the first obstacles, which are all the others teams that we have to pass to get on the trail and the sewer dump area. Both sometimes problematic depending on how focussed the dogs are off the bat, and today they were very focussed. We started off nice and strong and I had a great feeling. It was funny because sometimes Marc-Andre will follow me with the truck just until I get past the dump and I thought he was behind me for sure, as I was passing the dump I turned to give him the thumbs up and wave good bye (as he was off to work and wasn't returning for the next 3 hours), but he wasn't there! He had already left for work, so we were really on our own, me and my 7 dogs. 
So down the trail we go twisting and turning. It was quite cold despite being really sunny. So I had on my balaclava + neck warmer + toque + ski goggles + 2 hoods and then my whole long john out fit, snow pants, big coat, 2 pairs of socks and 2 pairs of gloves with big mitts on top. At the beginning of the ride I had my mitts in my pocket in case I had to jump off and  rearrange some dogs quickly.  But as things were going just swimmingly I reached for my mitts to realize that I only had one! I had dropped one on the trail, I was only about 5 minutes down the trail  so I could have gone back, but I didn't want to mess with the magic going on so I just threw a Hotpaw in my right glove kept on trucking. That's where the title for my post came from, on my my run Alanis Morrisette's song Hand in My Pocket got stuck in my head, probably because I kept my right hand in my pocket the whole time. Cheesy I know.
The dogs all did awesome down the train tracks to the hydro line. Ivva running hard, Herschel keeping her on the right trail, next Pirate totally killing it (he always gives it his all), Nuvuya was being a real princess at this point, tugline loose, just running not pulling; behind them Riel and Ula both great pullers; then alone in wheel is Chetwynd strong and steady. Things were going great, we had a few poops from Nuvuya and Riel, some chasing of birds down the trail but mostly a nice relaxed ride. Then we turn off the straight trail on to a small river. Usually we turn and go back to town on the river. Today, however, Ivva wanted to go across the river and Herschel was in complete agreement. They all of a sudden started to book it, so I stepped on the break, slow em down, throw in the snow hook and go grab the neck line on the leaders and turn them around in the right direction. They looked like they were on board, but when I got back on the sled Ivva and Herschel picked left, so back goes the snow hook and back I go to the front of the line, I drag them back and guess what, it still doesn't stick. We went back and forth like this about 6 times. I knew that Herschel knew he should be following the same trail we usually do, but Ivva was determined and apparently that meant Herschel was too. At this point I decided to move Ivva back and give Riel a chance because he knew the trail well too and he usually listens. Butt (and I do mean butt, lol) I go to unhook the tugline and see that Riel's is caked with frozen poop! Which is surprisely hard to remove, so I quickly changed my plan and grabbed Nuvuya. I made the switch and Nunu instantly took off in the right direction. I've never been to proud and relieved!
 When we first started running the dogs we were running Nuvuya in lead but she wouldn't keep a good pace, she kept her pace, which was often slower than everyone else, when we moved her back she did a lot better. So it's been a few months since she's been up and I could tell she had something to prove. Hard to believe that little 30 lb dog could pull so hard, she was just lunging in to it, it was awesome. She kept a great pace and I could tell that she knew the trail well. Herschel and Nuvuya seem to be a good pair. 
The river is where I get worried about moose popping up so I'm fairly yappy on the trail, praising the dogs mostly, but every now and then I belt out a tune, haha. Today obviously it was Hand in My Pocket. I did see a huge set of moose tracks today that looked fresh, yikes!
So about 2.5 hours later I'm about 5 minutes from the dog yard, I just happened to look up and there is my right mitt hanging from a twig at the side of the trail. I don't know if it got picked up by another musher (if so Thanks!) or if that twig just caught my mitt. Suprisingly my hand didn't really get cold, but I can tell you I can sure feel my left bicep right now! ouch!
We pulled in to our yard and my toes were started to go numb, so I basically sprinted from dog to dog to unhook and feed. Surprisingly I had a ton of energy after the run. Probably because I didn't have to run myself that much because the dogs did so well. Needless to say my confidence was way boosted today, I now feel that I can handle whatever gets thrown at me. But I do believe the more we run the dogs the smoother things will go. Luckily it's going to be beautiful all week and I happen to have a few days off so I'm pumped to go again tomorrow, and the day after and the day after!

Thoughts

So I was thinking I should let you all know how the dogsledding thing is going and fill in th eblanks about how we're managing to take care of our gang of 8. I kept telling my mom stories of the crazy antics that occurred when we first began our dog adventures in October and she seems to enjoy them: so here we go.

The dogs came to us from our friend Glenn who we met in Inuvik and who is now living in Yellowknife. So the 6 new dogs flew from Yellowknife to Rankin Inlet, Nunavut, to Churchill in one day. It was a nerve wracking day because we were worried they were go to be stranded in Rankin. Late that day we heard through the grapevine that in fact they were stranded in Rankin, so panic ensued and we got a contact from one of the mushers we know for a musher in Rankin. He happened also to be the mayor of Rankin who has something like 50 sled dogs there. So I ended up getting in touch with his wife and she was so wonderful, when I told her what was happening she left work and went straight to the airport looking for our dogs; she was going to take them to her dog yard for the night for us. Which was such a relief and so amazing since we had never even met her before. When she got to the Rankin airport they informed her that the dogs had actually made it on the plane and were on their way here to Churchill.

Relieved our friend Robert and I made our way to the airport to pick up the dogs and meet Marc-Andre as he was getting off of work. I think it was about 10pm by the time the dogs got off the plane and we loaded up our truck and Robert's with all 6 crates and drove to the dog yard. The days before Marc-Andre and I had used our seriously lacking carpentry skills to build dog houses for all the dogs and set up our little square of land in the big dog yard that all the mushers use. So in the pitch black we unloaded all the dogs and checked em all out to make sure they were all happy and healthy after that long day. I was so surprised that they were soo happy to see us. I was totally ready for them to be traumatized for the plane ride but Glenn raised them to be very well adjusted dogs with great demeanors. They were all bouncing around licking faces and checking out there new home.

We had taken care of these dogs for a weekend in Inuvik, and I'm not delusional enough to believe that they remembered us, but we certainly remembered them and all their different personalities. We all got along right from day one, only Nuna was slightly hesitant, she wasn't big on being touched or cuddled for the first couple weeks and would only come up to sniff you when you had your back turned. I was determined to win her over though so I brought her home and let her wander around and just hang out with me and she warmed to me after some time.

Now let me tell you about the first time we took them for a run, keep in mind there was no snow at this point. Luckily our friend Robert (also a musher) let us borrow his giant steel cart that he uses to give tourists rides. The first few times we hooked up the dogs we were on a steep learning curve and I think the dogs knew it, we were all trying to adjust to eachother. Our first approach for "hooking up" (which consists of harnessing and putting each dog on the gangline), was to take one dog at a time off their chain harness them and put them straight on the gangline. The problem with this was that that meant each dog was on the gangline for a long time before we are actually ready to go, and that means there is plenty of time to chew the tugline that is holding the dog in front of them to the gangline...because of this we have learned to start doing rope work making our own tuglines.So now we harness all the dogs before we put one dog on the line, it works much better that way and there is a lot less sprinting from dog to dog stopping chewing.

Before you can hook up the cart/sled needs to be anchored very firmly to something completely immovable because the dogs are so eager to go and so excited they can easily pull over 500lbs and take off without you. And yes we learned this from experience. I was almost run over by a huge steel cart a couple times, lol ahhh memories; you need to be fairly agile in these situations, so you can jump on and off a moving cart in order to avoid disaster.

After we had gone on a few runs we started to wonder how we were going to handle 8 dogs pulling a little like 30lb sled when they pulled the 500lb cart with such ease. So we borrowed a small plywood cart from another musher, I was hesitant because it looked so small I wondered how we would keep control, but it turned out we didn't have time to even worry about that. We anchored the cart to the truck hooked up all 8, and just as I was done unclipping the lead line and turned to hop on the cart the dogs took off without me or Marc-Andre on the cart... pause for reaction... before I had time to think Marc-Andre had grabbed the drag line that had been tied to truck (that had snapped) and was being dragged across that gravel dog yard on his stomach. The first thing I tried was to jump on the cart, but instead the cart just rammed into my leg and knocked me down. So as the cart was speeding passed me I grabbed onto the dragline with M-A and the dogs continued on for about 40ft with the both of us dragging and screaming for Nuvuya and Riel to stop, before we were saved by another mushers who came and managed to get in front of the dogs and stop them. At this point the dogs managed to get into a literal dog pile, a giant knot of dogs, harnesses and lines. We sorted it all out and took 4 dogs off the line, then went for a lovely ride. I think we were both so shocked and embarrassed that this happened, we didn't say anything about it until we were driving back home, and then we just laughed. No one was seriously injured (except my pants) and we learned what we can handle and what we can't, lol. Now it's a good story, and we were assured by Glenn that that kind of thing happens to everyone at some point when they are starting out, and it only happens once.

We've progressed leaps and bounds since then but I have to go over to our friends, Dan and Terra's, for dinner, so I'll start back at this point in the story when I come back.

Take care!

Churchill goes to the dogs

So as you can see in this photo I've been keeping very busy. Marc-Andre and I have been living in Churchill for 6 months now. Which means I've been an R.N. for 6 months and we've had our dog team for 4 months! Let me explain. In September our good friend and dog sledding mentor, Glenn (we got Nuvuya and Riel from him), let us know that he had 6 of his team that were looking for a good home, and we thought who better than us! We had been toying of the idea of eventually having a team some day but we didn't think it would happen quite so soon. Everything just seemed to fall into place perfectly and before we knew it 6 happy huskies arrived from Yellowknife in early October. We've got all 6 in a dog yard 10 minutes out of town with the other mushers' dogs. Initially the dogs all had these big blue barrels for dog houses, so everyone in town seems to know them as the dogs with the blue barrels. (They now have lovely wooden houses built with the help of our friend Dan). Nuvuya and Riel are still at home with us, the older dogs are used to the dog yard and Nuvuya and Riel seem to enjoy being out there for an hour at a time, but they are most comfortable in the backyard here at home. On the line all 8 are a big happy family. Nuna is our eldest female and our Gee-Haw leader. Pirate is one of the older males and a very hard worker no matter what you throw at him. Chetwynd is the other older male and he is full of beans, always raring to go. Herschel is the younger male, a super happy guy, loves a good bum rub. Ivva is a very gorgeous hard-working lady. and then there's Ula, she's the snuggliest little girl, always on our heels asking for a hug. This is our doggie family. They are very special. Let me tell you a funny story, the other day we went out to feed the dogs and I opened the door of the truck and who was sitting at my feet but Ula. Somehow she had gotten off her chain and apparently she had decided she wanted to snuggle of to Nuna because there was a little hole in the snow beside Nuna. The other funny thing was that she had taken each of the dogs dishes and brought them all to Nuna. There was a pile of bowls in Nuna's circle, so cute!

It's a lot of work of course but we feel so lucky to have them. Having the dogs has let us take advantage of all the awesomeness Churchill has to offer. Out on the trails we see the most beautiful things like gorgeous sunsets, northern lights, and all types of wildlife. It's breathtaking.

So when I'm not dog sledding I'm working of course. Nursing here is so special because Churchill is such a tight knit community. The nurses I work with are also very tight knit and supportive. When I arrived I was working as a float meaning I worked full-time hours but with a different line of nurses all the time. In the new year I switched to working with a regular 4 on/4 off. I enjoyed working as a float because I got to know all of my colleagues but I am really enjoying working on this line as well. The familiarity is very nice. Working in Churchill is very unique I really get to do a little bit of everything, no 2 days are the same. I work with peds, geriatrics, post-op, and lots of ER. Working emerge is very different than anything I've ever done and really flexes my brain muscle and all my physical assessment skills. We just had a 4th year student join our rotation for her consolidation. She's really made me reflect on how I felt starting my consolidation, I had no idea how much I would learn between then and now. But I really can't believe it's been almost a year since I started my own consolidation. Time flies when you're loving life.

Unfortunately we weren't able to get home for the holidays, so e spent our first Christmas away from our families and that was different, but our friends and family made it feel as homey as possible. I have never received so many Christmas cards, they filled our shelves! Made us feel so loved and kept us feeling the spirit of Christmas. I was determined to have a real tree but living in Churchill makes that difficult. However, Marc-Andre and I made it happen, we drove out of town and found the funniest little tree. It was about 3 feet high, actually had branches on all sides, (most only have 1 side!) I also home made all my decorations. So it was a lovely Christmas.

Right now in Churchill it's very cold, it's been close to -50 with the windchill for the past few weeks, we're getting very good at bundling up. I can't even imagine what it was like not to have to wear 3 layers of pants, a balaclava, toque, goggles and a nose cover! hahaha, but it really is beautiful here! We're loving the snow so it's hard to say I'm looking forward to summer, especially since that means the bears will be back. But I have vague memories of the beautiful summer days when we arrived here and they help warm me on my 5 minute walk to work.

I hope I can update my blog again soon, time really goes by fast when you work 12 hour days and you're feeding your dog team twice a day and dog sledding 10 hours a week. It's a good thing Marc-Andre and I are such an awesome team!

To all my friends and family I miss you all, wish I could charter a plane and fly you all here!